I wonder why every time I'm given the goal of reducing my life to one of those graphics matrices, I append confusion and inaction to the current paradigm. Well, for no other than myself does this behavior matter. My will seems determined to push this concept to the limit. IF something need not be done, I won't darken its door. It's the highest form of disregard and rush: incompletion of essential tasks. For some padded reason, I have successfully negotiated away from the larger events in my life, instead keeping them on the comfortably manageable plane of neglect. But there are times which spur me to action, and spurn my desire for slower action as the day pans out.
I push the limits. But true success is learning to play by a set of rules, and THEN changing them. I have not determined rule following has any greater benefit then rule breaking, but in terms of energy expenditure requirement, it is interesting to see the level of feedback both afford.
But I now see that those which evolve are around to inject their own energy into an undertaking. THAT undertaking requires a base level of said, but differentiation requires energy, on the positive side of the baseline. How I know this, don't ask. But, I do know that I'm fucking tired of sitting in this apartment wasting my life away. There is nothing worse than the stagnation of the mind, and mine seems to be keen on attaining that station. Something must change. I need external help finally. I can't modulate my energy correctly. This is sustaining me in mediocrity.
I push the limits. But true success is learning to play by a set of rules, and THEN changing them. I have not determined rule following has any greater benefit then rule breaking, but in terms of energy expenditure requirement, it is interesting to see the level of feedback both afford.
But I now see that those which evolve are around to inject their own energy into an undertaking. THAT undertaking requires a base level of said, but differentiation requires energy, on the positive side of the baseline. How I know this, don't ask. But, I do know that I'm fucking tired of sitting in this apartment wasting my life away. There is nothing worse than the stagnation of the mind, and mine seems to be keen on attaining that station. Something must change. I need external help finally. I can't modulate my energy correctly. This is sustaining me in mediocrity.
